Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Week 4- Men and Women
This week my boyfriend and I got into a heated discussion about whether or not men and women can be just friends. I was seeking his opinion as I did my discussion board for the week and he helped me clarify my point of view. Initially I felt that no, men and women cannot be just friends because sex always comes up. If sex comes up at all, how can they ever be just friends. But he felt that once the issue is addressed and dealt with, as in once one person makes it clear to the other person that they are not interested, that they can continue a friendship. But my question was that even if the issue comes up even once, that it proves men and women cannot be just friends. My male friends have been around for over 15 years, but I'd be lieing if I denied that once in our youth having relationships wasn't addressed. So can men and women be just friends without the issue of sex or relationships coming up even once? The answer in my opinion is no. I feel that the friendship can exist after the issue is addressed, but it always always comes up at least once. Men and women naturally feel closer to each other in friendships and its only natural to want that person to be your mate, but sometimes it doesn't work out that way!
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Hi Sarah-
ReplyDeleteI like that you took what you are learning in class, and discussed it with your boyfriend. I think that's the best way that we learn, by putting things into our own words and discussing them with others. About your opinion that men and women can never be just friends, I may have to agree with you. For in my life, all the circumstances in which I was extremely emotionally intimate with my male friends turned into some sort of romantic relationship. I read before that there are a few things that help people fall in love with eacother: one of them being close proximity. If we spend time with the same friends often, we may at one time or another be attracted to them either in a superficial or real way. What we do with these attractions is a different story! I believe some people remain friends for a long time always denying their feelings for eachother and being with other people in the meantime, while others seem to completely enjoy a fully platonic relationship never acting on wanting more. I have had both relationships and find that it seems more emotionally rewarding to date a friend, but ultimately difficult because the transition from friendship to romantic relationship can be jarring and cause one or both people to lash out.
Sarah – the best part of courses like this is that we really do get to apply the material in our personal lives and have discussions with those closest to us. Since my daughters are 22, 19, & 18, you can ask them on any day what classes I am taking and they would be able to tell you since I ALWAYS talk to them about what I learning (I’m not so sure they share my enthusiasm). You have pointed out something that I think is the key – you must accept that at some point in a female-male friendship – SEX WILL CREEP ITS WAY INTO THE RELATIONSHIP – then no one is caught off guard when it happens – you just deal with it as friends. I think one of the problems is that no one is perfect and our mate might posses 99 out 100 qualities we look for in someone and then a friend (who happens to be the same gender as your mate) has that ONE quality you desire – naturally they begin to look attractive.
ReplyDeleteHi Sarah,
ReplyDeleteI couldn’t agree with you more. My blog and DB post this week pretty much said the same thing. I don’t think men and women can be friends without one of them having an emotional connection or sexual connection with the other. I think that even if the issue is addressed it is hard for people to try and control their emotions. And if I meet someone and I tell them I’m married I shouldn’t have to say anything else, they should automatically know that I am not interested in anything more than a platonic friendship. I have had a few male friendships go sour where I had to just end the friendship all together because it would end up hurting him or me in the end. I had a guy that I was friends with that wound up going thru a divorce and venting to me daily and in the end confessed his love for me to me? I was like, “WHAT”? I’m happily married, I have 2 kids…I’m not looking for anything. I give the people that have opposite sex friendships a lot of credit.